Trying to view photos

Your father's put these pictures of Kirsty riding the horse and I'm trying to view them. It says 'Open folder to view files'. Should I do that? I just don't understand. There's every folder under the sun here. There's this one called 'Mia', only it's not the horse, it's that woman that JJ used to hang around with. How stupid is that? Having a woman and a horse both called Mia? So I've no idea which folder to look in now and your father's gone out for a curry, so he's no use, especially having knocked himself unconscious falling off that bloody trampoline. I wish I'd gone for the curry now, only I didn't feel up for it, not after that virus last week. I'm barely over it now. I'll need a holiday, I'll tell you that much. I'm thinking Corfu, so this volcano had better stop or I'll have a nervous breakdown.

Anyway, show me some nice pictures of that house in Stansted...

World of Pat's latest follower...

Pine Coffee Table

I shouldn't have to be videoing pine coffee tables at my age, not with all of the bending involved. It's far too much of a rigmarole. I'll be expecting a profit, I'll tell you that much.

And I don't care if this is a duck or an avocet or whatever it bloody well is. I'm not taking a penny less than £30 and the Koreans can like it or lump it.

Oestrogen

It's taken me most of the week to recover from that drive back from Bury St Edmunds. It's just too stressful trying to drive half way across the country at my age. I got quite severely papped when I changed lanes just outside Cambridge and my nerves have been shattered since. And then, after all that, you come back to Stoke and end up having an argument with the receptionist at the surgery. I told her, "I've been coming here for 31 years," and she just shrugged and carried on with her filing. But they don't card, do they, if you've been deprived of oestrogen and keep burning up with hot flushes in the middle of the night. They just don't give a damn. And the doctors are no better. They just say, "Give up smoking and I'll give you the oestrogen." Give up smoking? They're supposed to be helping me, not telling me to give up smoking. They don't know what it's like. I can't give up just like that, not at my age. Not with the dog wanting letting out every five minutes. I'm up and down like a yoyo. You can't expect me to stop smoking in this chaos, can you?

It's got a box, look!

See, it's a whole different kettle of fish if it's got a box. I'll get £75 easily, as long as it's not a fake box, that is. I'll be putting it in the unit with my big mother-of-pearl fruit knife that I got from Bridgnorth. It'll go nicely with the small mother-of-pearl fruit knife I've got out there. I haven't seen a big one before...

London Fashion Week, Feb 2010

Arrival

Departure

Well, I imagine I'll get more conversation out of this stuffed deer than I've had the past 20 years. Nobody ever talks up in Stoke. The lengths you have to go to. You need to come to London and communicate with a stuffed deer just to stop yourself from going mad...

HAS IT GOT A BOX?!

I've just bought this Dinky Daimler ambulance from Louis Taylor's for £250, so can you find out what it's actually worth? Just look on Ebay and see what other ones have gone for. What? 8 dollars?! Has it got a box? If it's mint and it's got a box, it's worth at least double. Mine's got a box, and these other four I've bought. I tell you though, it's worn me out going and bidding yesterday. I'm going to need my oestrogen levels correcting, only the GP won't let me have any oestrogen unless I stop smoking. And then he tries to explain urinary tract infections to me. They don't realise I saw 22 years' worth of urinary tract infections at the maternity hospital and I'm married to a GP as it is. And to cap it all, they won't let you have any bloody oestrogen. It makes you sick, it really does.

Olympic Curling

Digital TV

I can't get used to this digital TV. Channel 4+1?What's that supposed to mean? 5? Channel 5, is it? Why can't they just say that? It's worn me out just trying to work out the remote control.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Why don't you want to drive with me for 12 hours from Stoke to the west of Ireland? I don't care if you can get a flight for £30 return and be there in an hour, there won't be any tea rooms in an aeroplane, will there? And I won't be able to bring back any antiques if we take the Ryanair. And they won't have any decent food, will they? Your grandma and I had a wonderful time driving over via Fishguard. Apart from when she started saying she'd never to it again, but she didn't mean it. Like going to Puerto Banus in the height of summer. She loved it really, crippling angina or no crippling angina...

Dysarthria