It's got a box, look!

See, it's a whole different kettle of fish if it's got a box. I'll get £75 easily, as long as it's not a fake box, that is. I'll be putting it in the unit with my big mother-of-pearl fruit knife that I got from Bridgnorth. It'll go nicely with the small mother-of-pearl fruit knife I've got out there. I haven't seen a big one before...

London Fashion Week, Feb 2010

Arrival

Departure

Well, I imagine I'll get more conversation out of this stuffed deer than I've had the past 20 years. Nobody ever talks up in Stoke. The lengths you have to go to. You need to come to London and communicate with a stuffed deer just to stop yourself from going mad...

HAS IT GOT A BOX?!

I've just bought this Dinky Daimler ambulance from Louis Taylor's for £250, so can you find out what it's actually worth? Just look on Ebay and see what other ones have gone for. What? 8 dollars?! Has it got a box? If it's mint and it's got a box, it's worth at least double. Mine's got a box, and these other four I've bought. I tell you though, it's worn me out going and bidding yesterday. I'm going to need my oestrogen levels correcting, only the GP won't let me have any oestrogen unless I stop smoking. And then he tries to explain urinary tract infections to me. They don't realise I saw 22 years' worth of urinary tract infections at the maternity hospital and I'm married to a GP as it is. And to cap it all, they won't let you have any bloody oestrogen. It makes you sick, it really does.

Olympic Curling

Digital TV

I can't get used to this digital TV. Channel 4+1?What's that supposed to mean? 5? Channel 5, is it? Why can't they just say that? It's worn me out just trying to work out the remote control.

Anyway, that's beside the point. Why don't you want to drive with me for 12 hours from Stoke to the west of Ireland? I don't care if you can get a flight for £30 return and be there in an hour, there won't be any tea rooms in an aeroplane, will there? And I won't be able to bring back any antiques if we take the Ryanair. And they won't have any decent food, will they? Your grandma and I had a wonderful time driving over via Fishguard. Apart from when she started saying she'd never to it again, but she didn't mean it. Like going to Puerto Banus in the height of summer. She loved it really, crippling angina or no crippling angina...

Dysarthria

Bed pan

Solitude

You don't know what it's like trying to cope when your father goes swanning off to Obergurgl every five minutes. I'm stuck here all on my own apart from the dog, and he's enough to drive you round the bend now that he's gone pretty much senile, climbing into my bed every five minutes and taking up half the space. I'm there teetering on the edge and the dog takes up the whole of the middle of the bed. It's not fair, I tell you. And it just throws you out of your routine when nobody else is around. I mean, your father normally puts the newspapers in the bin every day, but now he's not here, I've just got them piling up. I just can't be expected to deal with change, not at my age... And then there's bloody clock to deal with. I think it must be foreign or something. They have different numbers in Slovakia and places like that, don't they?

Gym Regime

Now it's the New Year, I've decided to go to the gym at least once a month, because I've just got to stop smoking and lose some of this flab. So they've shown me this exercise, only I don't know if it's just me, but every time I do it, I can see all these middle-aged men watching. Dirty buggers. I don't know what they think they're going to see anyway, because I'm head to toe in Lycra, so they might as well ogle a memory foam mattress. Anyway, I can't go tomorrow because it's pretty much martial law at Dagfields, what with all of these traders not pitching in when they're meant to, so I'll have to operate the bloody chip and pin machine and that's stressful enough at the best of times without having to contemplate the prospect of arousing the interest of every Tom, Dick and Harry at Fitness First. And besides, I can feel another virus coming on, so I'll just have to take it easy until February. See if you can pick me up a packet of Lambert and Butler Gold if you're going out, will you?

Snow

I can't deal with all of this snow. I had to ski to Dagfields yesterday...